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Joan Rivers
American
June 8, 1933
Comedian
I am furious about everything.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
About
Am
I Am
Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Funny
Prince
Charles
I am a huge 'Downton Abbey' fan - huge!
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Am
I Am
Huge
Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
You
Go
Every
All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Always
Why
Friends
I'm a New York girl. I come out of New York theater.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Out
New
Come
I'm always shocked when I get an invitation. People are always shocked when they see me at a party.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
People
Me
Get
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Like
Our
Lot
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Who
Very
Had
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Get
Off
She
Your child is never not your child. You can be 90 and your mother 120, but your mother is still worried about you.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
You
About
Your
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Way
Every
His
When I turn down work, I feel guilty, I feel terrible; I don't know where the next job is going to come from.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Work
Know
Going
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Work
People
Me
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
People
Like
Who
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
You
Get
Make
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Work
Way
Go
It's like, God, I'm in my 80s. Nobody, when I die, is going to say, 'How young?' They're going to say she had a great ride.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Great
God
Like
You hear things about certain people. When you hear someone was mean to a limo driver or a wardrobe lady, or someone was rotten to a fan, somewhere in your brain it gets stuck.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
You
People
About
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Me
Life
Years
Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Good
Like
Just
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always loved fashion and I love that we can do it and not take it seriously.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Always
Love
Way
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Respect
You
Me
I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can't change what happened.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Change
You
Get
Everyone forgets comedians are actors. There's no question about it. A Robin Williams cannot say the same line every night for 40 weeks and make it sound fresh unless he's doing an acting job.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
About
Make
He
Being Jewish has always been important to me. I now have 6M tattooed on the inside of my left arm. It's only a half-inch, but every time anyone sees it, they're reminded of the six million who perished, and so am I.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Time
Me
Who
I'm grateful for every day I'm still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it's the preservatives that keep me going. That, and I eat as much chocolate as I can get my hands on.
Joan Rivers
Tags:
Me
Think
Get